It finally happened: The Yankiverse has been broken by the lockout

Yesterday, the great Mike Axisa - (founder of River Avenue Blues, now of RAB Thoughts on Patreon  subscribe here, dammit) - began drinking the Kool-Aid, straight from the unicorn's teat. 

He outlined the Yankee lineup with Freddie Freeman at 1B.

And lemme tellya somepin: 'Tis one fine-ass lineup. I mean, Calgon Beauty Bath Beads, take me awaaay... Here we go:

3b DJ LeMahieu
rf Aaron Judge
1b Freddie Freeman
dh Giancarlo Stanton
lf Joey Gallo
2b Gleyber Torres
cf Aaron Hicks
ss Gio Urshela 
c Gary Sanchez 

Wow. Roll the credits. I'm Margery Taylor Green, and I approve this message. Even the idea of Gary and Gio and Hicks, (oh my) doesn't sweat me. 

Nor did it bother our brothers and sisters at Yanks Go Yard, another staple of my daily diet. Last night, YGY projected a Yankee infield with a tab of Viagra in Hal's bloodstream, instead of saltpetre. Strap in, folks, here we go... 

1b Freddie Freeman
2b Gleyber Torres
3b Matt Chapman
ss Trevor Story
utility DJ LeMahieu

As Ricardo Montalban would say, "I LIKE what they have done to my cah." But I say, more!  I mean, the Phillies must be itching for a ditching. The right call, the right offer - so long, Martian? - and here's our lineup:

ss Trevor Story
rf Aaron Judge
lf Bryce Harper
dh Giancarlo Stanton
1b Freddie Freeman
3b Matt Chapman
2b Gleyber Torres
cf Aaron Hicks
c Gary Sanchez 

I'm thinking 135 wins and gold in the AL East. But, gulp, why stop here? It's time for the C-word: Clones. Here's my lineup:

cf Willie Mays
rf Aaron Judge
lf Bryce Harper
dh Giancarlo Stanton
1b Freddie Freeman
3b Matt Chapman
 c Johnny Bench
2b Gleyber Torres
ss Trevor Story

Okay, we made it. We've finally reached that Airport Ramada in the sky, where reality infuses with the $476,000 Jasson Dominguez card and the cafeteria lunch ladies' Spice Girls cosplay. We're no longer yearning for spring training. We're in the Yankee Hogwarts. 

Face it, everyone: The lockout broke us. 

We're now two months past Dec. 2, when time ceased to flow - since there has been nothing more to write. Yet the Yankiverse - like a space probe from a dead planet - is still sending messages, still seeking to ponder the unconvincing, underwhelming and uncaring product that was once the 2022 Yankees. 

I have no more words to throw on the fire, except maybe these from Allen Ginsberg...

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,
starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection
to the starry dynamo
in the machinery of night...

Ginsberg could have been decent a Yankee blogger. 

Sleep, children. You fought a good fight. But it's over. The lockout won.

Share :